Greater Things Than These Shall Ye Do

How awesome was February?

I swear it was so good, they had to give it an extra day this year just to fit in all the extra awesomeness floating around the place. It would have been enough that I was finally able to get a One Body service going, and then got to spend two weeks playing journalist at the NT News. But there's more and it’s about time I shared the news that can even top all that.

I was out with friends last night for dinner. We were discussing the merits of various TV shows, because apparently we have no actual life, when the woman sitting next to me made the most amazing revelation:

“I don’t really think David Tennant is attractive.”

The room went quiet. The pianist stopped playing and started staring. Somewhere a baby whimpered to itself in the night.

“What’s the matter with you guys?” she asked.

“”You’re being absurd,” I explained. “Nobody thinks David Tennant isn’t hot. Hell, even I think he’s hot.”

“Yes,” explained the strange woman, “But that’s just because you’re a geek.”

At this point I’d heard enough. Normally I’m not given to overt signs of outrage (I just post them on my blog like the good little product of my culture I am), but I felt I could not let this slide, especially in the presence of ladies. I felt it was my cultural and gender stereotypical obligation to correct the error by tipping the thoughtless wench out the window into the marina. So I did.

Also I got a new job this week. I start in a week and a half at the Aboriginal Interpreter Service. Farewell credit union, hello governmental bureaucracy, but at least this time I’ll be working on something I’m interested in. I’ll let you know how I get on once it all starts in March. I’m sure you can’t wait for that one.

Be kind to foxes.

Garry with 2 Rs

A Change Is As Good As a Holiday

So I've taken two weeks leave from my job and taken up a temporary internship with the NT News. It's not everyone's idea of a fun way to spend their holidays, but for me it's a great way to get my name and face known in the newsroom, with a view to getting a more permanent and less token position there some time down the track.

And for someone who enjoys writing, it's actually pretty close to a vacation, particularly compared with the stress of managing people and cash that I usually face. I'm taking the same sort of internship position that would normally be given to high school students or people still finishing their journalism studies.

But I have finished my journalism studies; quite some time ago. So, for me, spending a day sitting in an office just writing up media releases and following stories with government departments is the mental equivalent of lying by the pool in Bali, which is what everyone at work thinks I should be doing anyway.

Being the work experience guy also has other perks; you get to handle the thoroughly ridiculous stories that no one else wants to go near, but which suit the 2 Rs sense of humour and local awesomeness down to the ground. My favourite so far? A government department's specially written press release rejecting calls to release a herd of elephants in the outback to control weeds. Having said that, the Palmerston Mayor who got himself convicted of assault with a golf club this afternoon was pretty spectacular too. And my placement is only half way through!

I love Darwin.




Garry with 2 Rs

Housing Crisis

Ask any young Territorian what the biggest problem facing young adults is and the ones who think like me (the others aren't really worth listening to) will tell you "housing prices". Like me, those people are a little self obsessed and completely wrong because, when you think about it, drugs, alcoholism, violence and the yawning chasm between the standards of living in cities and remote communities are far more important than whether or not a goofy white office worker has any money left for the movies after paying rent. But shut up. This piece is about housing prices, okay? Geez...

A few months ago I made enquiries with my bank about home loans. I wasn't really feeling optimistic as I have no savings, no assets and a collection of debts that would make the Greek government blush. Just as I expected, I was told to go sort out my car loan, HECS debt and credit card and then come back. Fine. Who expects help from a bank anyway?

The problem in Darwin is the insane amount that housing costs. In Australia, only central Sydney has a higher mean house price. This tends to lock low to middle income earners like me out of the market more or less permanently. And it doesn't really matter what the government does about releasing more land or adding grants for first homebuyers: Demand for housing is so high that estate agents and property developers can charge whatever they like, confident in the knowledge that while normal (well...) people like me can't afford it, investors and and large corporations will happily pay half a million dollars for a two bedroom unit if they can make it all back in exhorbitant rent or write it off as a tax break.

NT Government to the rescue! I was super excited to find an ad in the newspaper for a government scheme to help lower income earners afford a house. I jumped straight on the government website and typed the program name into the search box.

Zero hits.

Typing the name of a housing department program into the search box on the housing department website gave me zero freaking hits. This did not bode well for the ultimate usefulness of the program, but I wasn't ready to give up yet. The alternate information source was to call into a TIO branch.

There isn't a TIO branch in Casuarina for some reason, so I had to wait until I had a chance to get into town during business hours to visit a branch. Fortunately that wasn't as much of a problem as it would normally be (more on that later). Unfortunately no-one in town including me seemed to have any idea where the TIO branch office was, since the last one got blown up by a lunatic with a trolley full of fireworks.

After walking a few laps of Mitchell St in the sun, I finally found the branch nestled inside an airconditioned shopping arcade and asked the questions I needed anwered. Tragically the receptionist couldn't answer them; I had to make an appointment to meet with a financial consultant the following day. I really just needed to be told the interest rate and deposit required, but these things have to be done by the book, I suppose.

I'll skip over the fun I had having my financial affiars appraised by a relative stranger. The sharp end is that after all that effort, the advice I was given was to go sort out my car loan, my HECS debt and my credit card and then come back. Alternatively I could go get a wife and come back with two incomes.

Of course, if I could do any of those things, I would have just gone to a bank in the first place. What a freaking useless program.

So here's to you, NT Government. Yet another fantastic initiative of no practical benefit to anyone. I'll see you in August.

Did you know Yarn Bombing is a thing?




Garry with 2 Rs

One Body

And now for the main event.

You know how for the past three years or so I've been chirping incessantly about how I'm going to start up an intercongregational worship event among the Church of Darwin? And you know how for those same three years I've not provided a shred of evidence that I'll ever follow through on that chirping?

Well the shredless days are over baby. Last weekend we finally kicked off the first ever One Body worship service. It was the culmination of months and months of talking and about a week and a hlaf of frantically running around making things happen.

Look, I'll be honest; we ended up with just a three piece band, playing just seven songs, and only ten people came. But the point is we made a start, and got people there from three different congregations hanging out and getting to know each other. Plenty of locals have offered to help run the next one, which hopefully means there's some chance of it being organised properly.

Things we learned from One Body:

1) Twenty minutes before the service is not the right time to see if the data projector works.
2) It is possible to fit an enitre drum kit in my Ford Focus hatchback.
3) Nobody responds to Facebook invitations anymore.
4) Bass players are over-rated.

Make of that what you will.




Garry with 2 Rs

More Fun with Spruikers

Wow!

What an eventful week it’s been. I don’t want to put the mozz on it, but February is shaping up as the best month in quite some time. I really don’t know where to start on this one, but since it’s been a while since I’ve actually sat down and written anything, I think I’ll warm up with a quick run through with an old favourite.

How much fun is playing with street spruikers?

I met a really nice one last weekend, who, despite having come up from Sydney, refrained from making comments about how he had no idea what was going on and how different Darwin was from Sydney and how it was sooooooo hot and how much he liked the markets. I mean those are all valid points (except the markets one. They don’t start up again for a while yet), but you’re not going to convince me to give you money by telling me how weird my home town is. Like I don’t already know. This guy made sensible comments about the charity he was spruiking, and actually listened to my answers and questions rather than abandoning each unsuccessful persuasion technique in favour of a different approach. In the end, I had to tell him I was all tapped out for charity donations for now, but if you have some spare space on your credit card, go check out Mission Australia’s Youth Up program. It looks like it would be really worthwhile getting behind.

Meanwhile at a different charity stall:

Hot German Backpacker: Hi. Would you like to come and talk to me?

Gw2Rs: (checks watch and confirms how much of his lunch hour is left) … Okay.

HGB: What is your favourite animal?

Gw2Rs: The velociraptor.

HGB: The what?

And with that she blew any possible chance she had of being taken seriously, either as a charity spruiker or as a human being. I decided to stick around and see how much free information I could get out of her.

Gw2Rs: Never mind. I like eagles.

HGB: Wow. What an interesting answer.

Gw2Rs: … ?

HGB: Most people say cat or dog.

Gw2Rs: BORING!

HGB: I know. So have you heard of the WWF before?

Gw2Rs: The wrestling show?

HGB: … No. Well, what we are doing is we are trying to save endangered animals from extinction. Do you like tigers?

Gw2Rs: Sure, who doesn’t?

HGB: Did you know there are five different types of tigers in the world?

Gw2Rs: Hmm… Bengal, Sumatran, Siberian, Tasmanian… What’s the last one?

HGB: … I don’t know. But what is really sad is that soon all these different kinds may be extinct. Blah blah blah reducing numbers, blah blah destruction of habitat, blah blah humans are evil. We are starting up a new program to help tigers. In ten years, 2022, it will be the Chinese year of the tiger. We are hoping to save all the tigers in the world by the time that year comes.

Gw2Rs: Sounds good. Apparently this year is the year of the dragon. How many of them did you save?

HGB: I don’t know.

Gw2Rs: (gives up and leaves).

Apparently the missing tiger types are Malayan and Chinese. They aren’t so well known, mainly because they really are as rare as they say they are. Maybe it’s just as well. I was going to suggest Italian, but God knows what the next poor guy would have been told if I’d given her that idea.

Make of that what you will.

Garry with 2 Rs