Customer Service Skills

So my job hunt continues. I’ve had a few close calls recently where I’ve made the interview round but not landed the role. Job hunting is a frustrating sort of endeavour, because it doesn’t matter how many occasions you are ninety five percent successful on, at the end of the week if you haven't made the extra five percent you still have absolutely nothing to show for it. There’s nothing more disheartening than being told over the phone that, while your application was great, your interview went well and you’d absolutely be capable of filling the role, someone with 17 years’ experience in a similar role is also out of work at the moment. Or was until yesterday. Sorry about that.

Actually there is something more disheartening: being told by a computer that you don't measure up.

Recently I applied for a couple of jobs as front office tellers with two major Australian banking corporations. Both banks had very similar application pages to fill in, requiring me to show that I had the right to work in Australia, that I wasn’t a criminal and that I was sufficiently culturally diverse. As one of the most diverse individuals you’ve ever met, I obviously nailed those pages.

Both banks sent me automatically generated emails advising me that I had made it to the next stage of the application process. Both of them had me sign into an online aptitude test. Both of them were obviously too lazy to do their own HR work, because both of them sent me the same test, run by a third party HR consultant. It tested cash-handling ability with a fun game that most primary school students would be able to do. Then it gave me a multiple choice quiz on my reactions to a bunch of hypothetical customer service situations.

Once the test was complete, the computer thanked me for my time and advised me that a notice would be sent to me based on the outcome of my aptitude test.

Within two days, both banks sent me automated email letting me know that based on my results, I didn’t have enough experience in customer service. At no point during either application was I given the chance to speak to a human being, which is a shame, because there was nowhere in the multiple choice quiz test to record the fact that:

• I have worked in a financial institution for more than two years

• I have plenty of front-line customer service experience working as a teller in branches across the Top End.

• For over twelve months, it was my job to train new bank tellers how to be bank tellers.

• After that, it was my job to lead the entire front office operations team in providing good customer service and excellent banking services.

But apparently the computer knows enough about me to determine that I don’t have what it takes based on a fifteen minute internet quiz. Kind of like the ones that take eight questions to determine that if I were a Firefly character, I’d be Doctor Tam, when it’s patently obvious to anyone who knows me that I’d be Shepherd Book, however much I might want the answer to be Mal.

Two weeks later, I received a phone call from an actual human at one of the banks’ HR departments in Canberra. She was calling to see if I would be interested in a new position that had come up in my area. I happily chatted with her for about twenty minutes about my citizenship status, my criminal history and my cultural diversity. It seemed to be going well, until she finally got around to asking me if I would be comfortable with a commute to Groote Eylandt every morning. I informed the charming HR executive from Canberra that Groote Eylandt is an hour and a half away from Darwin by plane. At that point she got upset with me for wasting her time and we terminated the interview.

But apparently it’s my customer service skills that aren’t up to scratch. Make of that what you will.



Garry with 2 Rs

Garry the Grey

Written for Alexa and Angus on the occasion of the World's Greatest Shave, 2014 and performed at Bogarts in Parap.

Life can be hard work
When a strange genetic quirk
Sends you grey before the age of seventeen.
Instead of flowing raven locks,
I was the teenage silver fox.
The youngest grey nomad the world had ever seen.

Now all the girls might give a cheer
For George Clooney or Richard Gere
In a charming smooth romantic comedy.
But can't you see?
You might tell me it's distinguished,
Like a gentleman who's English.
But it's still fifty shades of rubbish to me.

Salt and pepper. A speckled spray.
Even Gandalf the Grey.
So many names to hurt, malign and injure.
But whatever I've been called
I'm just grateful I'm not bald.
And I thank the Lord I'm not a freaking ginger.

Make of that what you will.



Garry with 2 Rs

Party Party Party

I spent last weekend in Sydney again. Between us, Kim and I have been keeping Jetstar in business for the last twenty months and every time one of takes a trip to see the other, we almost always end up with a weekend so packed full of activities that we don’t actually get much time to relax.

This trip was no exception. No sooner had I settled in to Sydney than we were off to watch Six60 play at the HiFi. They’ve come a long a way since the last time I saw them and it was a very big and very enjoyable concert. After the show, we hung out backstage with Chris and got another taste of the rock’n’roll lifestyle as we all piled into a minivan and tripped back to the band’s hotel. I don’t know how he does it; that lifestyle would run me into the ground within a month.

Saturday was just as packed. My family joined us in Sydney and we had lunch and did some shopping. We all popped in to Saturday Night By The Bridge before heading over to The Loft at Darling Harbour for our Engagement Party. That was a fantastic night with friends from all over the place in a nice setting. There was some concern that we wouldn’t have a place to put everyone, but after some logistical juggling by the staff we were nicely accommodated with our own private corner. Very nice.

Sunday saw us cavorting with family around Circular Quay. The weather was horrible, but we had a nice lunch before we put the family back on the plane to Adelaide and took off to meet Nic, our friend and photographer. We had and engagement photo shoot scheduled for that afternoon. Thankfully the weather cleared up nicely, and we spent two and a half hours being serial posers around the shores of Kirribilli. That was great fun.

Kim had to work Monday, so I amused myself wandering around the CBD looking for clothes for the wedding. I don’t want to spoil the final effect, but I will way I found just the thing, and that no-one is likely to mistake me for anyone else on the big day.

By the time I got into Darwin at midnight on Monday, I was thoroughly spent, but it was a great weekend and a nice way to celebrate with family and friends. Now to turn our attention to the wedding itself.

Make of that what you will.




Garry with 2 Rs